Ready.

I am ready for this to all be over.  I am ready to go home.  I am ready for Papa to be at peace.

That being said, here is what has been going on for the last 2 weeks...

We arrived in Hattiesburg, MS 2 weeks ago.  Papa was so excited to see Bella that when we got out of the car she ran to give him a hug and he actually picked her up.  I couldn't believe it.  He later admitted he didn't think she would be so heavy.  She weighs 36 lbs wet :)  Anyway, we spent the next two days just hanging out with him.  He would just sit and watch Bella for hours, asking her all kinds of questions and shaking his head in wonder and amazement.  He was truly in awe of her.

Sunday, at 4 a.m., B-bo and I took Vince to the airport in Gulfport to fly home so he could work the next week.  Once back at Papa's house, I slept for a couple of hours before getting myself and Bella ready to go to church.  This would be Papa's last time to attend church, and he was so proud to have Bella with him to show off.  We went to Cracker Barrel for lunch, and once home things began to deteriorate.  His pain increased dramatically, and after consulting with my Mom, I doubled his morphine intake which seemed to do the trick.

Monday was the last day he left the house.  We drove to the pharmacy to pick up his meds, and he stayed in the car.  I cooked dinner for him that night, which was awful, and I am still feeling bad that it was his last meal on this Earth.  Tuesday, he pretty much slept the whole day, and just kept telling me he didn't feel good.  By Wednesday, I sounded the alarm and my Mom flew in to help take over.  He had spent most of the day vomiting or sleeping and I was out of my mind with worry.  Mom got to town at 11 p.m. and Andrew and Sarah arrived at 1 a.m.

By Thursday he was bed ridden and the inevitable was upon us.  My Uncle Randy made it in Friday afternoon, and the 5 of us spent 2 hours gathered around his bed while he told us each how much he loved us, and that he would see us all again in Heaven.  It was heart wrenching. 

Andrew and Sarah left on Sunday, and Bella and I went to Oxford, MS on Monday to visit my friend Amanda and her family for a couple of days to take a break and get away from it all for a bit.  We had a blast with her boys, Rowan and Rigby, and it really did help me gain a little bit of my sanity back.

Wednesday, we headed back down to Hattiesburg, and thankfully my Mom and Uncle decided that Bella and I needed a hotel room so that I could sleep in a bed for the first time in 2 weeks.  Bella actually slept until 7:45 this morning which I think is only the second time she has ever done that in her life. 

Papa is still with us, shockingly enough.  I mean I really don't know how he is still breathing considering the fact that he hasn't eaten anything since last Tuesday.  We are all in a holding pattern at the moment, and I am so proud of my Mom and Uncle at how they have put their differences aside, and are working together to make sure Papa is comfortable until he dies.  His only dying wish is that he passes in his bed in his room where my Grandmother did 7 years ago, and they are doing everything they can to make sure that happens.

Vince flies in tomorrow and I can not wait to wrap my arms around his neck.  This is the longest we have ever been apart since we've been married and it SUCKS! 

Hopefully this will all be over soon, mainly for Papa's sake because I know he is ready to go.  As much as I am going to miss him, no one deserves this, no one.  I'm not sure what God is waiting on, but I wish he would just go ahead and take him already.  Enough is enough.  I know it doesn't work that way, but it is breaking my spirit to pieces watching him slowly die before my eyes.

So for now, we wait.  Hopefully this nightmare will end soon.  My grief is so great right now, and I am ready to be home so that I can work through all that I am feeling.

My prayer right now is please, God please.  Take him.  Take him home.