My trip to Hattiesburg.

This all begins one week ago, last Tuesday...

Tuesday I spent the whole day getting everything/one ready for me to be out of town for 6 days.  I made itineraries for Vince and his parents so that everyone knew what their responsibilities for Bella were.  I packed a bag for Bella because she would be spending 2 nights with her grandparents, I made a pile of stuff that needed to be put in Vince's car like a birthday present/ballet clothes/list so that he would not be able to forget anything,  did laundry, cleaned up and packed all of my things.  Thankfully, Bella spent the night at her grandparents on Tuesday night so that I could finish up and spend a little time with Vince before leaving.

Wednesday.  We were up and out the door by 6:45 headed to the airport.  My flight didn't leave until 10 but Vince wanted to take me to the airport, and I didn't want him to be late for work thus the early arrival.  No matter though, I had my Nook and the Hunger Games series waiting for me so I was set.  Both flights, I had a connection in Atlanta before my final destination in Gulfport, were smooth and on time.  I retrieved my luggage and was cruising along in my rental car by 3.  I stopped at Papa's house first to unload and use the bathroom, and by 4:30 I was headed to the hospital.  I had a hard time actually walking into the hospital, and once I was finally in Papa's room the tears came.  He looked so small curled up in his hospital bed, but he greeted me with the biggest smile and his arms held out wide in true Papa form.  I sat snuggled next to him for a couple of hours talking to him, and just soaking up everything Papa.  His oncologist came in with his test results while I was there...  He went into a whole spiel about chemotherapy which was a total waste of breath.  Papa decided to do a few radiation treatments to help alleviate the pain in his chest, and then manage his pain with a morphine patch and oral morphine as needed so that he could go home.  We decided to take him off the drip and get him started on the patch/oral to see if his pain could be managed that way and if so, he could go home on Friday.  It was extremely hard to leave him, and after a long teary hug, I said good night.  I got back to his house around 9, and it just felt all wrong being there by myself without him.  My Aunt left me a bottle of wine in the fridge so I had a glass and a half a Xanax so I could sleep.

Thursday.  I woke up, did some laundry and unloaded the dishwasher before I headed back up to the hospital around 10 a.m.  Once there, I helped him shower/shave, and put some fresh pj's on him.  I stayed with him until around 1:30 to make sure he was taking his morphine, eating a bit and resting.  I went back to his house for a bit to do some more laundry and to take a break myself for a couple of hours.  Around 4, I went back to the hospital and stayed until around 8.  By the time I got home, I was feeling extremely nauseous.  Little did I know that I was in for a long night.  Turns out, I caught a stomach bug, and I spent the early hours of the morning huddled on/over the toilet willing any kind of fluids to stay down with no success.  It was coming out both ends, and on top of it all, I started my period too just to keep things interesting I guess...

Friday.  I finally relax enough to fall asleep around 6:45 a.m. only to be awoken an hour later by a very distressed Papa.  He had the stomach flu too.  Apparently, a family with 4 kids came and visited him the day before... What is wrong with people?  Assholes.  So I rush back up to the hospital wondering how much good I'm going to be seeing as I haven't been able to keep anything down, and if he's throwing up that's going to make me puke because I have the most sensitive gag reflex on the planet.  Thankfully, my Aunt Doris showed up too, was able to get both of our stomachs settled and had us resting before she left.  While Papa snoozed in his bed, I alternated between snoozing and reading on the couch in his room.  I stayed until about 1, before heading home so I could take a shower and try to eat a little something.  At 3, Papa called to tell me he was being discharged, and I'm not gonna lie, I was very nervous about this.  I mean, what if we both started puking again in the middle of the night...  Before leaving the hospital, they tried to tell me that Papa had an appointment at the Cancer Center for a radiology consult.  BB would have been so proud of me, because I looked that nurse right in the eyes and told her to cancel the appointment right now.  Enough was enough, he could go on Monday, but we have been puking all day, we are tired and we are going home.  I don't care what Dr. Cheng wants, I am taking Papa home, end of discussion.  The nurse looked at me, and just asked what time would I like to schedule the appointment for Monday :)  I got Papa home around 5.  I got him into some fresh pj's and let him have ice cream for dinner.  He was in bed snoring by 8, and I wasn't far behind.  We had an uneventful first night home which I desperately needed for a bit of a confidence boost that I could do this.

Saturday.  We slept until 8, and then I helped him shower and put on real clothes for the first time in 3 weeks.  We had a little breakfast and then he took a snooze on the couch while I washed his sheets/pj's and did a little cleaning up.  My cousin, Alex, got in around lunchtime, and we spent a lovely evening listening to Papa tell us stories from his childhood, WW2, and living in Africa.  I helped Papa to bed around 9, and Alex and I stayed up talking and laughing until about 2 a.m.  He told me that as far as his cousins go, he feels closest to Andrew and I even though we don't get to see each other as often.  That really made my heart smile.  Alex and I are 10 years apart, I'm the oldest grandkid, and he is the youngest.  10 years ago, we were both living in his parent's house and we had a good time talking about that.  He told me I was the coolest nanny ever :)  I took him everywhere he needed to be to help my Aunt out, and all his buddies thought I was hot... good times.

Sunday.  Alex left after lunch, and my Mom got in around 4 p.m.  Papa spent most of the day resting and  once my Mom got there, we all took a much needed nap.  Papa went to bed around 9, and my Mom and I stayed up watching Cupcake Wars for a while.  It was really good to hang out and chat with her on the sofa, I really miss her and I was exhausted from being the lone caregiver for Papa for the last 5 days.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change the last 5 days for the world, but it doesn't change the fact that I was plain tired.

Monday.  After a shower, and some breakfast, Papa got settled on the couch, and Mom decided to take me shopping before I was to head out in the afternoon.  BJ, Papa's neighbor, was mowing the grass and Aunt Doris is right down the street, so my Mom felt Papa would be fine for an hour or so while she took me to get something pretty.  Her words not mine :)  3 dresses, 1 skirt, and 1 shirt later I was feeling pretty good about shopping.  One of the dresses is for Andrew and Sarah's wedding and it is gorgeous!  I love shopping with my Mom <3  By 12:45, I was packed and ready to go.  While hugging Papa good bye, I broke down because more than likely, it will be our last hug.  I balled all the way to the airport, and spent most of my flight home fighting back tears.  I got into the Rabbit at 9 p.m. to head home feeling relieved, exhausted, and heartbroken.

What a gift I was given to be able to spend 6 days with Papa.  Am I ready for the inevitable, absolutely not.  Am I at peace with it, yes.  Papa has lived an amazing 89 years, and the last thing I want to do is watch him linger/suffer the last days of his life.  He doesn't deserve that.  I am going to miss him something fierce, but I know I will see him again.